IKEA - Train Wreck / Triple Black Ball (last reviewed July 20, 2009)

Yes, I know it's a furniture store and not a restaraunt. It was a desperate situation ... an 8-hour car ride from NC followed by a spontaneous furniture shopping trip (uggh) to IKEA. My remaining brain cells were impaired by lack of food so when I saw a photo advertising none other than Swedish meatballs, I was sold. We entered the chow line at 7:59PM, just one minute shy of closing time. Yes, another fatal mistake. I watched in horror as the last few meatballs were scraped from the bottom of the metal pan and slapped onto IKEA's finest bone china. In my delusion, I found time to dispense culinary advice to my bride to go with the chicken Caesar wrap. How could any one screw up the simple combination of lettuce, chicken and a tortilla? Well, when a big ol' bug jumps into the recipe, that's how. Despite nearly going blind from starvation, I spotted a dismembered thorax dangling, from a piece of lettuce, now being munched unsuspectingly by Dana. No one really knows what happened next but I think it might have gone something like this. Drawing on my Marine-like instincts, I responded swiftly, some might say bravely, to grab the remaining tortilla while emitting a gutteral yell. I ponced on the remaining bug parts and assembled them neatly on my bread plate, dispensing of the spongy mass without hesitation. With the expertise of a NASCAR mechanic, I reassembled the bug parts -- head, thorax, abdomen -- and then hunted down the manager. I demanded a complete refund and after what I thought was a snicker, the manager refunded me $2.48. Ahhh, vindication.